Crystal, 31, a petite redhead with striking green eyes, recently shared the poignant story of how she placed her infant daughter for adoption 15 years ago with the support of a caring Child Saving Institute pregnancy counselor and an adoption specialist. She came prepared for our meeting—armed with vivid memories and a small album of the most happy-yet-heartbreaking photos you will ever see. The pages included photos of a 15-year-old Crystal hugging her boyfriend, Jonn, who wore a cowboy hat...Jonn and Crystal kissing...very pregnant Crystal with Jonn at her homecoming dance...Crystal gazing at her infant daughter shortly after birth. And perhaps the most compelling of all...a photo taken at CSI two days after baby Tiffany’s birth—when papers were signed and the little girl went home with adoptive parents Dick and Cheryl.
Crystal had been dating Jonn, 17, for nearly two years when, at 15, she discovered she was pregnant. Although the teens talked about raising the baby together, Crystal’s mother and stepfather encouraged her to visit with the counselors at Child Saving Institute. (Her stepdad and his siblings had been adopted through Child Saving Institute, and he understood the importance of the decision for all parties involved.)
At CSI, Crystal and Jonn met with Sabrina, a caring counselor, who listened intently to Crystal’s story, occasionally asking questions. Crystal said she never felt any pressure from Sabrina, and she still intended to parent the baby; but Sabrina’s questions did make her think.
"When you’re a teenager, everything’s rosy and you think everything’s going to be fine. But adults know there will be stress and tension and hard times. They are the ones wondering, 'How are you going to get through it all?'"
Wisely, Crystal’s mother encouraged her to live with Jonn and his family for a bit "to see what it would be like to be together all the time." It was an eye opener, and Crystal quickly returned home. But it wasn’t easy being a pregnant teen in a small town. There was gossip and pointed remarks, but Crystal had the support of her mom, stepdad and father. "My parents were very supportive but very worried," Crystal recalls. "I had three very involved parents; and, believe me, they weren’t saying, 'Oh, we have a grandbaby coming!' They were all, 'Oh my gosh—what are you thinking!!'"
In August, seven months into her pregnancy, Crystal, now 16, and Jonn were struggling to maintain their relationship. They had a frank talk about their desires for the future and their abilities to parent, and came to the difficult decision to place the baby for adoption. The young couple again met with Sabrina at Child Saving Institute, and this time looked through adoption books filled with family photos and pages of information covering everything from beliefs on discipline practices to religion. Jonn picked the family. Their information was bound in a simple green book with a leaf pattern. The couple’s names were Dick and Cheryl. They were a farm family. They looked kind in their pictures.
"It just seemed like if we had a choice of the perfect family, this would be it," Crystal says. "Dick had two daughters who were fully part of the family. They lived on a farm near a small town. It was a good choice."
Evell, CSI adoption specialist, arranged a meeting. Evell drove Jonn and a very-pregnant-and-uncomfortable Crystal 2 1/2 hours to the family’s farm. Crystal was impressed with the beauty of the farm, and Dick and Cheryl’s gentle hospitality. "I’m sure she was probably walking on eggshells the whole time," Crystal observes, "but she didn’t show it. She was so sweet. I can’t imagine being in their shoes—wanting someone to like you enough to give you their baby."
The potential adoptive parents drove to Omaha to meet with Jonn and Crystal two more times. Then, about a week before the baby was due in early October, Jonn told Crystal he was no longer sure he wanted to go through with the adoption. Crystal knew Cheryl and Dick would be devastated, but wanted them to know the situation as soon as possible. She called Cheryl and told her Jonn was balking. "She just said, 'Oh...Oh, thanks for letting me know' and, after a brief conversation, hung up. I could hear the heartbreak in her voice. She didn’t cry then, but I knew she cried when she got off the phone," Crystal says softly, her own eyes welling with tears.
A few days later, Crystal met briefly with counselor Sabrina and told her that Jonn no longer wanted to place the baby for adoption. Crystal recalls Sabrina leaning forward and putting her face in her hands. Jonn said tersely, "It just doesn’t feel right anymore" and shortly thereafter left the meeting. A quiet Sabrina drove Crystal home. "Sabrina didn’t know what to say or do, but I knew she was very scared for all of us."
That night, on a Friday, Crystal was home alone when she went into labor. Her mother came home from work and drove her to the hospital. Jonn met them there. After nearly 12 hours of labor, Tiffany was born on Saturday morning. Dark haired and moon-faced—she weighed 8 lb, 7 oz.—Crystal thought she was beautiful.
Watching Crystal hold Tiffany, her mother said, "Crystal, we need to make a decision. If she’s coming home with us, I have to leave now to get clothes and bottles and a crib...by tomorrow. If we are going to keep her, we’ll make it work; but you have to tell me now."
Dick and Cheryl had just returned to the farm from the five-hour roundtrip journey to Omaha when they got Jonn’s call Saturday night. Sabrina had called them that morning to tell them about the birth, and they had made the trip to the hospital to give the sleepy Crystal and her new baby a small bouquet of flowers and wish them well, but only stayed a few minutes.
The couple drove back up to Omaha on Sunday and arranged to spend the night in a hotel. The adoption paperwork would be completed on Monday morning when Tiffany and Crystal were released from the hospital. After the call was made, Crystal recalls that she "really felt good" about the decision. "I had met them and liked them, plus I felt that God had a plan for me. I had come to terms with the fact that this isn’t my kid to raise—Tiffany is their baby. I really felt it was God’s way of giving her the chance to be raised in a stable and loving environment and also give me the chance to go to college and do all the things I wanted to do with my life."
On Monday, all parties signed paperwork at the CSI office. Crystal was very sad, but she could see the joy in Cheryl and Dick’s eyes and felt an indescribable connection to them. She joined them for lunch at Taco Bell; and by the time they left to return to the farm with Tiffany, Crystal describes it feeling like "when you have family visiting...you enjoyed seeing them so much and you’re sad to see them go."
"It’s been a good journey," Crystal says of the experience. Now happily married to Don, her husband of nine years, and the mother of three young children, she says she never worried about the decision she made or wished things would have been different. "Tiffany is growing up loved and well cared for. She knows who her birth dad and I are; she knows her background. I really think this is how things are supposed to be."
"It’s been a good journey," Crystal says of the experience. Now happily married to Don, her husband of nine years, and the mother of three young children, she says she never worried about the decision she made or wished things would have been different. "Tiffany is growing up loved and well cared for. She knows who her birth dad and I are; she knows her background. I really think this is how things are supposed to be."
