Rockin’ Grannies

Do you remember how safe and loved you felt wrapped in your grandma’s arms? Do you remember her hearty laugh? Her gentleness? Her ever-handy hankie, ready to wipe a tear or a runny nose at a moment’s notice?

Everybody needs a grandma like that in their lives, and at Child Saving Institute we’re so fortunate to have three!

Grandma Lula

For the past eight years, “Grandma Lula” Grunnells, 76, has risen early Monday through Thursday, rain or shine, to board a bus in order to be at Child Saving Institute’s Early Childhood Education Center by 7:30 a.m. Donning a multi-colored smock and wearing a bright scarf tied around her now-gray hair, she settles into the rocking chair in the Pennie multi-age room and opens her arms wide, indicating her lap is open for business.

“Some people think I’m crazy,” she observes with a deep chuckle. “But my husband has passed away and I’m all by myself in that big house. The babies motivate me to get up and come out here. They bring something out in me. And the babies love me—because they tell me so!”

“Some of these babies need a grandma in their lives—you can tell,” she adds, her tone turning serious. “There’s just something missing. I think I play the role they need by huggin’ and lovin’ on them. We’re like a comfort blanket to them. I think each and every child should have a grandmother.”

Grandma Johnnie

Lula came to Child Saving Institute through the Foster Grandparent Program operated by Eastern Nebraska Office on Aging. She is joined in her ENOA work by fellow Foster Grandma Johnnie Hawkins, 78, in the Henry Toddler Room. “Grandma Johnnie” loves babies Tuesday through Friday from 7:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. A retired food service worker, Johnnie is the mother of four, grandmother of eight, and great grandmother of nine. She says rising every morning to come to the childcare center gives her day special purpose.

Once a week, 77-year-old Myrtle Weible walks to the agency from her nearby home. She spends Friday mornings rocking, reading and wrangling toddlers. When asked why she does it, “Grandma Myrt” replies, “I love the kids, and I hope I can bring some pleasure and joy to their lives.”

Grandma Myrt

“I think these amazing women bring that extra ounce of nurturing that we pride ourselves on,” says Early Childhood Director Dalhia Lloyd. “Along with the teachers, they build real, meaningful relationships with the kids.”

She shared the story of a 4-year-old, now in Pre-K, who starts each day by first running in to greet Grandma Lula with a hug—as she’s done every morning since infancy. “Our kids really depend on the consistent care the grandmas provide. They are the loving ‘heart’ of our center.”

And Then There Were Five...

Sheila and Mike Pyle had a nice life. Good jobs, a lovely home, lots of friends and a supportive family. Then their lives went from good to great when they received a special gift. No, they didn’t win the jackpot; they received a windfall in the form of three little kids.

No more quiet, no more sleeping in, no more spontaneously going to see a movie. The Pyle’s new life revolves around giggles and tears, sticky hugs, bath toys in the tub, crayon drawings and love. Oh, so much love.

The couple had been considering the foster-to-adopt route to parenthood and contacted Child Saving Institute. They began taking the 10-week foster parenting course in January 2010. By May they were ready to welcome one or two children into their home. “We were licensed for three, but we didn’t really think we were ready for three,” Sheila recalls. After turning down four or five calls requesting placement for three siblings, Sheila’s mom urged her, upon the next call, to “just go meet the children.”

Despite their concerns, Sheila and Mike did just that. A few days later they received a request for placement—for yet another group of three. They arranged to meet the kids, who were placed in two different foster homes. Kyla, then 4, and Solomon, 14 months, were placed together in one home, and baby Shay, 4 months, was in another. When they entered the first home, Solomon, who wasn’t walking yet, crawled to Mike and lifted his arms. He then sat on Mike’s lap the entire visit while the couple played on the floor with Kyla.

When they left, they KNEW. Even before driving to Elkhorn to meet the infant, they were ready to go back in the house and bring the kids home. Meeting Shay clinched the deal. The baby had a flat spot on his head and it was obvious he had suffered poor nutrition and neglect. They wanted all three kids with them as soon as possible.

The next day the Pyles contacted Child Saving Institute and said they wanted to foster the children. Still completing the licensing process, the couple couldn’t officially welcome the kids to their home yet, but they could invite them for pre-placement weekend visits. On a Friday night in mid-May, all three of the children started spending their weekends at the Pyles for six weeks. On that very first night, as Sheila tucked Kyla into her bed, the little girl looked up at Sheila and said quietly, “My Mommy and Daddy hurt me.” Sheila was taken aback, but without skipping a beat, she pointed at the decorative angels hanging on the wall and responded, “Nothing is going to hurt you here. You are safe with us.”

They had a wonderful time in those two days together, followed by five more consecutive weekends that flew by much too quickly. When the Pyles received notification their licensing was complete, Sheila and Mike gathered up the kids the same day. Sheila especially wanted to let Kyla know that when she came home with them, she would get to stay. “She had been through so much in her short life,” Sheila says. “Not only was she herself abused, but I know she was doing everything she could to protect and care for her baby brothers.”

Less than a year after the children came to live with Sheila and Mike (they took placement June 30 and adopted April 4), they became a legal family. The changes to the children’s demeanor, health and happiness have been dramatic. Solomon, who was not walking when they first met, attended physical therapy and went from a sad little boy to a joyful toddler within five weeks. Shay overcame his early health issues and is celebrating new milestones every day. Kyla, who went from being a withdrawn little girl whose speech was difficult to understand, is now an enthusiastic kindergartner who loves making new friends and sharing what she’s learning with her family. “It’s amazing how much a child can change with just the right environment,” Sheila observes. “Just by giving a child lots of love, building their trust and helping them feel safe, you make such a big difference in their lives.”

To honor the special occasion, the couple hosted a “Family Celebration Day,” inviting friends and family to meet the Pyle kids. “People who met our children before they were placed in our home have a hard time believing the children they see now are the same ones. It’s a wonderful feeling.”

“Everyone says, ‘Oh, think how much you’re helping those poor kids,’” Sheila continues, tears welling up in her eyes. “But the truth is they made our lives better. They came to live with us and they changed our lives. They are the gift to us—the gift of loving children. Just seeing the changes that a strong, loving foster home can make in a child’s life is incredible. It’s so rewarding to see the changes you can make with love and guidance. When we went into this, we didn’t really know how it was all going to pan out. We just knew we were committed to the process—whether it was a short placement or a long placement. It just worked out the way it did. It was meant to be.” 

Sheila now wishes they had a bigger house so they could continue to be foster parents. “There will be more foster kids if we win the lottery,” she says with a grin.

Sounds like they already did.

The Joy of Shoe Shopping

A few weeks ago, just before the holidays, a 14-year-old arrived at our emergency shelter with all of her worldly possessions—a bible, a notebook, a hairbrush, and the clothes on her back.

Imagine her blatant, unabashed joy to be taken shopping to Sports Authority to pick out her very own pair of brand new sneakers! Multiply that elation by 12—the number of youth living in Child Saving Institute’s Emergency Shelter—and you may have to sit down and pull out a tissue at the sight of such happiness.

A pair of shoes finds a home with a grateful teen

Who delivered this wonderful holiday surprise? None other than our favorite Ironman supporter, Adam “A.J.” Fitzhenry, and his mom, Child Saving Institute volunteer Cathy Fitzhenry. A.J., from Lafayette, La., competes in the grueling Ironman Triathlon (a 2.4-mile swim, 112-mile bike race and 26.2-mile marathon run, raced in that order and without a break) and has been tweeting and emailing Child Saving Institute’s shelter youth for many months, encouraging them to have hope and to keep trying.

On December 27, A.J. and Cathy arranged a visit with the kids in the shelter. They did an ice-breaker activity based on the spirit of giving and Cathy read ҆Twas the Night before Christmas. Then A.J. talked about shoes. Really? Shoes?

Yes. Shoes. Here’s what he told the kids:

“Your feet can take you places. My feet (I hope) will take me to the Ironman World Championships in 2013. My goals are set for this year. I know the times I must achieve to win this race. I’ve been working at it for five years now. I will have to work hard, train, and stick to my plan.

“My feet help me swim, bike and run. My shoes—oh how I love new running shoes! —always make me feel stronger and like I can run faster. I think it comes from when I was little boy. My mom would buy me new gym shoes and say, ‘AJ go try your shoes—see how fast you can run AJ! See how high you can jump!’

“As an athlete, I know now that shoes are important (and yes I still love to get new shoes) but I also know that it’s the belief that I have that takes me farther than my feet and shoes can. I have to believe first in my mind that my feet can help me win a race.

“What do you believe in? What do you want to believe in? Remember, you can never give up on that dream or what you want or desire. My belief is I can make it to the Ironman World championships in Kona.

“I believe that I can reach all my goals if I keep them locked in my mind and think about them every day.

“I believe that I can make the future different and bring more joy into my life. “I believe in YOU, that you, too, can achieve your goals.”

A.J.'s wall of letters, photos and Tweets of encouragement to the Shelter youth

Wow. A pretty powerful message to kids who are struggling to make their way in the foster care system.

After the talk, the youth were split into two groups and A.J. and his mom, along with shelter staff, went shopping and everyone was allowed to choose their own shoes—some for the first time in their lives.

The funding for this special shopping trip came from individuals who responded to A.J.’s “$5 Buck Challenge” and donated $5 a month to Swim Bike Run For Kids, his campaign to encourage others to “take on a personal challenge, and then celebrate your accomplishment by donating $5 to kids in need.”

He could not have chosen a more worthy project—or more grateful recipients. “Most of our kids show up here with very little,” explains Luke Cerveny, director of residential services in the shelter. “Plus, teens grow out of their shoes very quickly, and many of them wear tattered, ill-fitting shoes. They were so excited to bring them back and show them off.”

“It was so overwhelming, I teared up,” adds youth counselor Jenaime Taylor, who accompanied the group on their shopping trip. “They were like little kids in a candy store they were so happy.”

And they are still excited about the shoes. Even 13-year-old Ian, notorious for his ambivalence toward hygiene (“You always know what he had for lunch,” Jenaime jokes) has refused to wear his new sneakers to school lest they become scuffed or muddy.

Thank you, A.J. and Cathy. And thank you to all the folks who are willing to put themselves in the shoes of kids who have so little, but dream of so much more.

Ready to Launch

This story was originally published in our Fall 2012 Newsletter

This year, Child Saving Institute’s Independent Living Skills program has eight students attending college.

It is an unusually high number, no doubt in part due to the Independent Living Skills team’s diligence in getting the kids enrolled and helping them secure housing. However, the students have a challenging road ahead. Statistics show that only a small percentage of youth who “age out” of the foster care system will graduate from college.

Former foster child and new dad, Jake

Josh and Jake’s efforts to attend college are supported and encouraged by Independent Living Specialist Meghan O’Brien who works with these teens and other state wards to help them acquire the skills they will need to succeed in life.

Most 19-year-olds are unprepared for the realities of living on their own—especially those youth who haven’t known consistency, nurturing and compassionate support. Meghan and her fellow specialists teach the youth how to plan and manage their time and money; how to utilize available resources and complete applications to find housing, transportation, and employment; and how to learn to make educated life choices concerning nutrition, healthcare, parenting, and sexual responsibility. Most important, Meghan says, is to teach the young people how to create and maintain appropriate support networks.

“They need to know where to turn for help, and they have to learn to ask for help when they need it. Whether it’s family or individuals with whom you’ve created a family-like relationship, you have to learn to communicate and mend fences and keep working on relationships. I keep telling my kids, you have to keep connections—whether with teachers, family members, coaches, mentors… So when we step out, the attorney steps out, the State steps out, you have a support system to help you make life’s tough choices.”

Josh's Story

When we visited with Josh the last week of August, he was like any other 19-year-old heading off to his first year of college…Almost. Although he was attending freshman orientation and moving into a dorm room, Josh’s journey to college wasn’t typical—but it is typical of many of the youth Child Saving Institute serves. You see, Josh is a survivor. He survived jail, drug addiction and the child welfare system. 

 Josh is taking charge of his life

Josh is attending Metro Community College with help from the $2,500 Christine Parker Memorial Scholarship from the Child Saving Institute Guild. In addition to an art class—he loves to draw and paint—he will also be taking general studies classes. His tattoos peeking out from beneath the sleeves of his t-shirt, Josh shyly confesses he’d like to use his artistic talent to be a tattoo artist himself some day. But that might have to wait until he completes a stint in the army—he also planned to speak to a recruiter later in the week.

Previously a ward of the state, Josh had witnessed a chaotic home life before going to live with a relative while his mother was incarcerated. The trauma and frustration of his situation resulted in his acting out and fighting, a repeated behavior that landed him jail. Last fall, Josh made a conscious effort to make positive changes in his life. He was determined to get out of the system and start making better choices—a decision that resulted in his quitting drugs, tapping into his spirituality, finding a part-time job last summer, earning his GED and enrolling in college. His hard work paid off. His criminal record was sealed, and he is now able to move forward with a clean slate and the option for a brighter future.

Jake's Story

Rail thin with a mop of dark hair and an engaging grin, you’d never guess Jake is a college freshman—he looks barely old enough to drive. But at 19, he is no longer a ward of the state, his mother is dead, and his dad isn’t in the picture. Like Josh, he is also studying graphic arts at Metro Community College, but the one thing that sets him apart from most of his classmates…this baby-faced teen is a dad.

When Jake was three, his little sister, Sarah, with whom he shared a birthday, died. His mother passed away shortly thereafter. (Jake’s baby, now four months old, is named for his little sister.) The ensuing years found him in and out of foster care, staying in group homes, and living with other relatives. Most unsettling, Jake’s father petitioned the court to re-establish custody when he was 18, but two weeks later kicked his son out after an argument, leaving Jake literally homeless for a few days.

Jake started participating in Child Saving Institute’s Independent Living Skills program in February 2011. He says he appreciates all that he’s learned, and hears Meghan’s voice in his head “all the time” when he’s trying to make choices. “When I grew up, I didn’t get much help from my parents and they weren’t really around to teach me things. Independent Living Skill is kind of like a parental system; they teach you things like cooking, taxes, budgeting and stuff. They teach you how to do things right instead of wrong. ”

“Jake hasn’t had an easy life,” Meghan says. “The first 18 years were really difficult, and the last year has been particularly trying. That’s where we come in.”

First Fostering Experience Leads to New Family for These Three

This story was originally published on November 16, 2012 in The Daily Record.
By Lorraine Boyd

Most 34-year-old single career women still have dreams of one day marrying and having children. 

Amy Muell was no exception, but admits that her career has come first. She works hard all day to help “kiddos” cope with unimaginable challenges as the RSafe 10-14 Project Supervisor at Lutheran Family Services of Nebraska. The RSafe Program is dedicated to emotionally healing children, teens and families affected by sexual abuse. 

Amy Muell and her two boys, Ja’Rell (left) and Shomore,
celebrate Shomore’s 10th birthday with a little silliness

Muell was the RSafe Treatment Foster Care coordinator for four years, all of those years concurrent with her current position. She earned her degree in social work from the University of Iowa and a masters in social work at the University of Nebraska at Omaha. 

Two years ago, as a Child Saving Institute foster parent, she took in her first foster child, an eight-year-old African American boy named Shomore who was removed from his abusive home where mental health issues were a significant factor. 

After a while, Shomore’s older brother Ja’Rell, needed an emergency removal from his foster home. “It was just supposed to be for a week, so I said okay,” Amy said. “He was 13 and had never lived with his sibling. He didn’t want to leave.” So, he never left. 

 “I told him I just knew when he walked in, ‘You have so much sunshine in your heart, you bring sunshine to mine.’” 

The next two years have not been without their challenges. “The 10-year-old broke a window recently.” Amy paused. “He threw a Bible at it! I told him to stop tapping on it, and he threw a Bible at it.” She laughed at the irony. 

“When I took Shomore in, I just wanted to try out foster care. Now, they’re my life. I wouldn’t want it any other way.” 

Adoption Day 

Tomorrow is National Adoption Day and the two boys will become Amy’s sons in Judge Christopher Kelly’s courtroom. They both have decided to take Amy’s middle name as their middle names: Joy. “Because we bring joy to each others lives.” 

While they love Amy, the boys still mourn the loss of their family, which includes five other siblings. When the boys’ mother’s parental rights were terminated, Amy persuaded her to try to visit them or to make a video because it would mean a lot to them. 

Despite her own difficulties, she did make that video recently, telling them “It’s okay to love Amy. Let her take care of you.” 

“It meant so much to them,” Amy said, “and it took a lot of courage for her to do that.” 

Amy’s house seems it would be full enough with two teenage boys in it. But there are also two Schnauzer-mix dogs in the mix, and once a week, two of her boys’ siblings who are closest in age to them, a boy and a girl, come over to spend the day. “They all love it.” Those two children are also in foster care, as are the other children in the family. 

Her pride in the boys is evident. Shomore is a student at Pawnee Elementary School, and Ja’Rell has just transferred to Papillion-La Vista High School this year, as a sophomore. He has spent the last week trying out for the basketball team (he made the team at Benson last year as a freshman). The 15-year-old is 6’2".

“He’s doing just great in his new school. It’s all about caring teachers. He knows what he needs to do to succeed.” 

Amy was working at home the evening we visited. She said the boys get that she has a career, but they want her to themselves when she gets home, so they’re not always happy with her “homework.” It’s a balance. 

As Amy says about the picture on her Facebook page, “My boys.” Indeed. 

A Big Day 

Foster and adoptive parents come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and ages. They all have one thing in common. They are willing to take in kids who need them and give them love and a chance at a successful life.

Tomorrow, more than 70 kids will become members of their “forever homes,” the biggest number yet in Omaha’s 13 years celebrating National Adoption Day. 

After opening remarks at 8:30 a.m., the Douglas County Juvenile Court judges will begin the joyous process of finalizing adoptions, lots of adoptions. While families are waiting, they will enjoy a magician, face painting, a balloon artist, professional family photos, desserts, flowers for the parents, and following the adoptions, a chili feed at Children’s Museum, hosted by Child Saving Institute. A grant from the Gilbert M. and Martha H. Hitchcock Foundation, along with other sponsors, is making the celebration possible.

He swims, bikes, runs (and tweets) for kids

The tweets started coming in last summer. Slowly at first, and then appearing almost daily—sometimes even multiple times a day. Who was this young athlete so passionately encouraging Child Saving Institute's kids to have hope? He is Adam “A.J.” Fitzhenry, 28, a paramedic and EMT from Lafayette, La., who also happens to compete in one of the world’s most grueling competitive sports— the Ironman Triathlon. 

RETWEET if you want the kids under the care of @ChildSaving to know you care about them and are praying for them! DO IT FOR THE KIDS! 

The Ironman consists of a 2.4-mile swim, a 112-mile bike race and a marathon 26.2-mile run, raced in that order and without a break. In order to compete at this level, A.J. follows a strict regimen, training 3 to 8 hours a day. 

A.J. admits he wasn’t always such an avid athlete. After gaining weight in college, he decided to get in shape and made it his goal to run a marathon. He started training—slowly at first, then realized he enjoyed long-distance running. After running his first marathon, he was hooked, and was ready to explore other endurance sports. While on a business trip to Louisiana, he met Terry Butts, a world-renowned strength and endurance trainer. A.J. was so impressed with the coach, he moved to Louisiana—a move that also offered milder weather allowing for a longer training season. 

I’m proud to swim bike run for the foster kids @ChildSaving! They motivate me, inspire me and challenge me. DO IT FOR THE KIDS!

A.J. not only tweets for the foster kids, he also raises money for Child Saving Institute's programs by encouraging his triathlete colleagues and Facebook friends to give up a coffee and give $5 to the kids on Fridays. It is an idea that came from his mother, Cathy Fitzhenry, who, with A.J.’s dad, had served as a CSI mentor and admired the agency’s work. 

Shout Out Friday for the foster kids @ChildSaving. Donate $5 today and show them you care about them! swimbikerunforkids.com

“My grandfather was a foster kid in Chicago,” A.J. notes, explaining his family’s passion for at-risk kids. “He was one of the biggest role models of my life. He lived the American Dream—coming from nothing and turning it into a success story. Through his example and my mother’s mentoring work, I know we all need help and support in our lives—especially the kids. 

Courage from a foster kid doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it is simply their quiet voice saying—I’ll keep going and hoping. @ChildSaving 

“And working for their behalf helps me, too. A lot of time you can get frustrated, get down, when you put so much work into the training and then not get the results you’d like. But then I think about the kids living in the shelter, and I step back and think, ‘At the end of the day, I’m really fortunate. I have it good.’ I take a breath of fresh air and think about the kids and they help me keep it all in perspective.”

To follow A.J. on Twitter, go to twitter.com/SwimBikeRunNow

Sleepless in Omaha

How much love—and strength—does it take to provide compassionate, tender care to a newborn for days or weeks and then let the baby go to another home? That’s something Child Saving Institute volunteer Carmen Gottschalk did for nearly three decades while providing “Cradle Care” to infants making the transition from the hospital to home before placement with an adoptive family. 

“It was very emotional for three reasons,” Carmen recalls. “My own loss—after falling in love with each baby and letting it go—then returning home to a house full of reminders, like baby bottles on the kitchen table. There was also the emotion I felt from witnessing the adoptive parents’ joy with their baby. And, of course, the pain felt by the biological mothers—usually teenagers—who were making the toughest decision of their lives when placing their babies. I cried a lot.” 

Jodi & Tina with a baby awaiting adoption

Each baby not only made its way into Carmen’s heart, but into the hearts of her two daughters as well. Jodi was seven when Carmen took her first placement, and baby Tina was just six months old. In fact, it was Tina’s adoption from Child Saving Institute that prompted Carmen to volunteer in the first place. “I had called CSI to express my joy and happiness with our new daughter, and I asked if there was anything I could do to help them out. I loved the agency so much and everybody I’d worked with there. 

“I had a baby within a few days…and they just kept coming.” 

In the early days, the average stay for Cradle Care was two to four weeks between birth and adoptive placement. Over the course of 30 years Carmen cared for 98 babies awaiting adoption. “The transition to having an infant in the house was never hard. The biggest problem was being mobile,” she recalls. “Often times I had to call friends to bring formula by because I couldn’t leave the house.” 

The spontaneity of the drop-offs often resulted in some funny situations, too. On one occasion, Carmen was serving as a room mother at her daughter Tina’s elementary school on Halloween. She was in full clown costume when a staff person dropped a baby off at the school, prompting many curious questions from Tina’s young classmates. She also took delivery of babies on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and all major holidays. 

The babies came so frequently and so unexpectedly, young Tina thought Roberta, the Child Saving Institute caseworker, kept the babies in a drawer in her office, and would ask when bored or lonely, “Can you call Roberta and see if we can get a baby today?” 

Even John Gottschalk, Carmen’s very busy husband and former Publisher of the Omaha World-Herald, got called into service on occasion. “You could set him in the recliner and hand him a newborn and he was fine with that—very good at it, in fact.” 

Carmen holds a special friend

As you can imagine, Carmen slept little during the busiest years of Cradle Care. With most babies, they are wakeful at first, but grow out of that. Carmen never made it to the “sleep through the night” phase with the newborns she cared for—and sometimes she would have up to three infants a month. 

“All that went into it—all the emotions, humor, work, lack of sleep—it was definitely worth it,” Carmen says thoughtfully. “It was overwhelmingly positive in what it brought to our family and what it taught my daughters about compassion and recognizing and understanding the needs of other people. As adults, they are caretakers. 

“That’s always been my impression of Child Saving Institute, too. The caseworkers, everyone who works there—they give of themselves. They are compassionate problem-solvers.”

Stepping Up for Foster Kids

When Erin and Steve Palzer got married a few years ago, they never imagined their life—and living room—would be so full! But six years, six foster kids, one adoption and one pending adoption later and you can see their house is brimming with love, kids and pets—as well as baby dolls, princess gear, Barbie cars, Legos and Transformers. 

The Palzers are the proud parents of Amarria, 3, who was adopted in November, 2010, and will soon welcome their son, Chris, 9, as a permanent member of their family when his adoption is finalized this fall. Oh, and you can’t forget chubby spaniel “Sparks,” who will wiggle her way onto your lap and into your heart within minutes of arriving at their home. 

Erin, Steve and their daughter, Amarria
Photo by Lacey Lynn Photography

About a year into their marriage, Erin and Steve discovered they couldn’t conceive, but that didn’t stop their pursuit of a family. With private adoption and infertility interventions so costly, they decided to look into adoption—and opted to go with Foster Child Adoption. They have been licensed Child Saving Institute foster parents for just over three years. 

“We knew from the beginning that not all of the kids would stay forever, but we just wanted a child in our home,” Erin says. The Palzers had a foster son before adopting Amarria, and haven’t stopped fostering since. Erin says they hope to continue to be foster parents no matter how large their family becomes. In fact, last year they increased the number of foster children for which they could be licensed. 

They already had a 2-year-old child “Cole” in their care when they learned their first foster son needed to placed in out of home care again—and now he had a little sister who needed a home, too. In order to keep the young siblings together and allow their first foster son, then 4, to return to the familiarity of their home (where he had originally lived for a year), Erin and Steve selflessly gave up their upstairs bedroom and moved to the basement. They took in both children for 15 months, working closely with the biological family in order to help them ready for the kids’ eventual return. 

The Palzers are so committed to successful reunification, they not only provided transportation for the family to see the children on all major holidays and birthdays, they encouraged the biological mom to call every night so the kids could share their day. 

“We’ve worked really hard to have great relationships with the biological parents,” Erin notes. “I know there are foster parents who are wary of interacting so closely, but I think it’s the right thing to do and the best thing for the kids.” 

The couple had the same attitude toward reunification when working with Cole. Erin, a nurse at Children’s Hospital in Omaha, came to know Cole, then age 2, during his lengthy hospital stay as the result of severe abuse and neglect. 

After a month in the hospital, the toddler was placed in foster care with the Palzers. Cole’s biological mom had abandoned him shortly after birth, leaving the baby with acquaintances. Eventually, Cole’s biological father was notified of the situation. The young man didn’t even know he had a son, but stepped up to accept the challenge. 

Erin and Steve were so committed to helping Cole’s dad prepare for the little boy’s eventual release into his care; they invited the young man into their home night after night to learn parenting skills and the bedtime routine of bath, story and bed. Cole’s dad was nervous, but the Palzers lavished him with praise and encouragement, rooting for him to succeed as a parent. Cole was with the Palzers for a year before going to live with his dad. 

Tragically, six months after bringing Cole home, the young man was shot and killed as the result of urban violence. Cole was then adopted by his paternal grandmother. Erin, who still has contact with Cole and all of the children she has fostered, reports that Cole, now 4, is a sweet, loving preschooler and is doing well under his grandma and aunts’ loving care. 

Recently, when her foster sister and brother returned to their bio family, Amarria was lamenting she had no one to “play princess with” now that her little sister had left. Without missing a beat, her blond-haired, blue-eyed big brother Chris came to the rescue. “I’ll put on a crown for you,” the fifth-grader offered. 

With Erin and Steve as his role models, it’s no wonder Chris instinctively responds to the needs of young children. In a few years, the couple plans to move to a bigger house with more room for more adopted children—and room for additional foster children as well. 

“We will continue to foster,” Erin says firmly. “We see the need and we want to do what we can to help kids. We can make their lives better.”

Open Hearts, Open Adoption

Crystal, 31, a petite redhead with striking green eyes, recently shared the poignant story of how she placed her infant daughter for adoption 15 years ago with the support of a caring Child Saving Institute pregnancy counselor and an adoption specialist. She came prepared for our meeting—armed with vivid memories and a small album of the most happy-yet-heartbreaking photos you will ever see. The pages included photos of a 15-year-old Crystal hugging her boyfriend, Jonn, who wore a cowboy hat...Jonn and Crystal kissing...very pregnant Crystal with Jonn at her homecoming dance...Crystal gazing at her infant daughter shortly after birth. And perhaps the most compelling of all...a photo taken at CSI two days after baby Tiffany’s birth—when papers were signed and the little girl went home with adoptive parents Dick and Cheryl. 

Crystal had been dating Jonn, 17, for nearly two years when, at 15, she discovered she was pregnant. Although the teens talked about raising the baby together, Crystal’s mother and stepfather encouraged her to visit with the counselors at Child Saving Institute. (Her stepdad and his siblings had been adopted through Child Saving Institute, and he understood the importance of the decision for all parties involved.) 

At CSI, Crystal and Jonn met with Sabrina, a caring counselor, who listened intently to Crystal’s story, occasionally asking questions. Crystal said she never felt any pressure from Sabrina, and she still intended to parent the baby; but Sabrina’s questions did make her think.

"When you’re a teenager, everything’s rosy and you think everything’s going to be fine. But adults know there will be stress and tension and hard times. They are the ones wondering, 'How are you going to get through it all?'"

Wisely, Crystal’s mother encouraged her to live with Jonn and his family for a bit "to see what it would be like to be together all the time." It was an eye opener, and Crystal quickly returned home. But it wasn’t easy being a pregnant teen in a small town. There was gossip and pointed remarks, but Crystal had the support of her mom, stepdad and father. "My parents were very supportive but very worried," Crystal recalls. "I had three very involved parents; and, believe me, they weren’t saying, 'Oh, we have a grandbaby coming!' They were all, 'Oh my gosh—what are you thinking!!'"

In August, seven months into her pregnancy, Crystal, now 16, and Jonn were struggling to maintain their relationship. They had a frank talk about their desires for the future and their abilities to parent, and came to the difficult decision to place the baby for adoption. The young couple again met with Sabrina at Child Saving Institute, and this time looked through adoption books filled with family photos and pages of information covering everything from beliefs on discipline practices to religion. Jonn picked the family. Their information was bound in a simple green book with a leaf pattern. The couple’s names were Dick and Cheryl. They were a farm family. They looked kind in their pictures. 

"It just seemed like if we had a choice of the perfect family, this would be it," Crystal says. "Dick had two daughters who were fully part of the family. They lived on a farm near a small town. It was a good choice." 

Evell, CSI adoption specialist, arranged a meeting. Evell drove Jonn and a very-pregnant-and-uncomfortable Crystal 2 1/2 hours to the family’s farm. Crystal was impressed with the beauty of the farm, and Dick and Cheryl’s gentle hospitality. "I’m sure she was probably walking on eggshells the whole time," Crystal observes, "but she didn’t show it. She was so sweet. I can’t imagine being in their shoes—wanting someone to like you enough to give you their baby." 

The potential adoptive parents drove to Omaha to meet with Jonn and Crystal two more times. Then, about a week before the baby was due in early October, Jonn told Crystal he was no longer sure he wanted to go through with the adoption. Crystal knew Cheryl and Dick would be devastated, but wanted them to know the situation as soon as possible. She called Cheryl and told her Jonn was balking. "She just said, 'Oh...Oh, thanks for letting me know' and, after a brief conversation, hung up. I could hear the heartbreak in her voice. She didn’t cry then, but I knew she cried when she got off the phone," Crystal says softly, her own eyes welling with tears. 

A few days later, Crystal met briefly with counselor Sabrina and told her that Jonn no longer wanted to place the baby for adoption. Crystal recalls Sabrina leaning forward and putting her face in her hands. Jonn said tersely, "It just doesn’t feel right anymore" and shortly thereafter left the meeting. A quiet Sabrina drove Crystal home. "Sabrina didn’t know what to say or do, but I knew she was very scared for all of us."

That night, on a Friday, Crystal was home alone when she went into labor. Her mother came home from work and drove her to the hospital. Jonn met them there. After nearly 12 hours of labor, Tiffany was born on Saturday morning. Dark haired and moon-faced—she weighed 8 lb, 7 oz.—Crystal thought she was beautiful.

Watching Crystal hold Tiffany, her mother said, "Crystal, we need to make a decision. If she’s coming home with us, I have to leave now to get clothes and bottles and a crib...by tomorrow. If we are going to keep her, we’ll make it work; but you have to tell me now."

Exhausted from laboring through the night, Crystal looked down at the infant and thought about her now-sketchy relationship with Jonn, her mother and step-father’s impending divorce, and her dreams for the baby and herself. Following a brief discussion, Jonn said he thought they should call Dick and Cheryl. Crystal agreed, and Jonn called the couple.

Dick and Cheryl had just returned to the farm from the five-hour roundtrip journey to Omaha when they got Jonn’s call Saturday night. Sabrina had called them that morning to tell them about the birth, and they had made the trip to the hospital to give the sleepy Crystal and her new baby a small bouquet of flowers and wish them well, but only stayed a few minutes. 

The couple drove back up to Omaha on Sunday and arranged to spend the night in a hotel. The adoption paperwork would be completed on Monday morning when Tiffany and Crystal were released from the hospital. After the call was made, Crystal recalls that she "really felt good" about the decision. "I had met them and liked them, plus I felt that God had a plan for me. I had come to terms with the fact that this isn’t my kid to raise—Tiffany is their baby. I really felt it was God’s way of giving her the chance to be raised in a stable and loving environment and also give me the chance to go to college and do all the things I wanted to do with my life."

On Monday, all parties signed paperwork at the CSI office. Crystal was very sad, but she could see the joy in Cheryl and Dick’s eyes and felt an indescribable connection to them. She joined them for lunch at Taco Bell; and by the time they left to return to the farm with Tiffany, Crystal describes it feeling like "when you have family visiting...you enjoyed seeing them so much and you’re sad to see them go."

"It’s been a good journey," Crystal says of the experience. Now happily married to Don, her husband of nine years, and the mother of three young children, she says she never worried about the decision she made or wished things would have been different. "Tiffany is growing up loved and well cared for. She knows who her birth dad and I are; she knows her background. I really think this is how things are supposed to be."

Above and Beyond

Joan Cooper is passionate about kids...especially foster kids. She’s also very interested in helping foster parents obtain the tools they need to be great parents. It’s that goal that has motivated her to take the lead in Child Saving Institute's foster parent networking support group AND become CSI’s first non-staff foster parent “trainer”—leading the required 10-week licensing class. Most surprisingly, she expends this time and energy despite the fact she is no longer a foster parent.

Now that’s going “all in” for kids.

Joan and Justin Cooper knew from the beginning they would be foster parents some day. Justin, an attorney for Omaha’s Metropolitan Utility District, was a former public defender and had seen first-hand the struggles of children in the system. Joan, a life-long teacher, was committed to changing outcomes for at-risk kids. It was a natural fit. When their daughter, Lauren, was 11, they completed licensing to become foster parents. They assumed they were going to get school age children, but welcomed two (unrelated) infant girls instead. “We decided from the beginning that whatever happens in reunification, no matter how long or short their stay, we would give the foster children placed in our care something that no one would ever take away from them,” Joan recalls. “They would know they were valued in our home.

The Coopers

“No matter the timeframe, foster parenting allows you an incredible opportunity to give them a ‘regular’ day, a ‘regular’ life for a while. Think of that opportunity!”

Joan is also attuned to the intense grief foster children experience. “When it comes to fostering, many parents focus on the grief they will feel when the child leaves their home to reunify, but we must acknowledge the grief the child is experiencing. We mourn the child, but in their separation, they are experiencing grief for many people—sisters and brothers, grandparents, aunts and uncles—everything familiar.”

As chance would have it, the Coopers adopted the little girls, Marissa and Vanessa, now six years old, essentially “maxing out” their home for extended foster placement. Undaunted in their commitment to serve children in need, Joan and Justin retained their license so they are able to offer respite care for foster parents needing a break, and Joan continues to lead the networking group. With her new system of planning monthly topics for the entire year to address specific issues, parents are able to attend those sessions they feel will be of the most help. As a result, she is seeing more repeat attendance as well as new faces. It’s an effort that not only results in better parenting, but happier, more knowledgeable foster parents which, in turn, benefits the kids.

“There are ways to continue to give back even if you can’t have children in your home,” Joan concludes. “I believe there is a way for a family to play some part in serving these troubled families to prevent them from staying broken. If you can be a foster family, great, but if you can’t, you can serve kids in other ways—donate clothing, offer respite care, offer encouragement and support. There are lots of areas where people can get involved.”

Couponing for Kids

In the spring of last year, Susan Nabity sat on her sofa, feeling anxious and desperate—one of the clients in her small house cleaning business had just passed away and it was a huge blow to her monthly income.

Not only did she have bills to pay, but she was feeling the pressure of being a single mother to a teenage son—a very big teenage son who at 6'5" and 300 pounds required lot of food to fuel his athletic pursuits at Fremont High School.

"I really didn't know what I was going to do," Nabity explains. The television had been on in the background, but suddenly Nabity became aware of the program—"Extreme Couponing." She watched with growing interest as the show featured enthusiastic shoppers planning and clipping their way to unbelievable savings. "I thought to myself, this is either really fake or I can do this!" 

"I can't begin to know what these kids have experienced or what they’re going through now, but just knowing my hobby can help them is overwhelming. I'm just so glad I can do it."

With an inkling of hope, Nabity began clipping coupons and watching sales while continuing to watch the show for further pointers. She asked her friends and customers to save their coupon circulars for her as well, and she started seeing the results of her efforts. In fact, on one particularly successful shopping trip at Walmart, her coupons garnered her $300 worth of product as well as $78 in cash!

So what do you do with so much stuff? Well if you’re Susan Nabity, you help others in need. "God blessed me and saved me at a rough time in my life," she notes. "So I thought I should turn around and give to others." A former paraeducator who had facilitated after-school educational programs for public schools and a non-profit, Nabity had a particular fondness for kids in need. Acting on the suggestion of one of her customers, she approached Child Saving Institute with her "bounty."

Over the past several months, Nabity has dropped off donations of toothpaste (hundreds of tubes!), toothbrushes, floss, diapers and diaper cream, baby shampoo, bath wash and lotion, deodorant, hair products, razors, body lotion and gum. In turn, these items have been distributed to clients in CSI's programs, including the emergency shelter, Young Parents Program and, most recently, to Child Saving Institute’s Foster Families.

"I can't begin to know what these kids have experienced or what they’re going through now," Nabity says quietly, "but just knowing my hobby can help them is overwhelming. I'm just so glad I can do it."

Susan's donations also help stock our Baby Boutique, where young parents can "shop" for items for their babies with points they earn through making good life choices such as earning a GED or taking their baby to doctor's appointments.

Loving Support

Thanks to you and others like you, Jade is well on her way to making a good life for herself and her toddler son, Say'Vonn. It is more than she could have hoped for in the dark months following her expulsion from school a few years ago at age 14.

Jade got in an argument with a girl at school. When the girl punched her, Jade hit her back. The following day, she was expelled. She fell into a deep depression, and with no advocacy at home, she became lost. Eventually Jade entered an alternative school, but instead of being allowed to learn, she struggled to survive the near-daily duress of physical threats, brutality and sexual harassment by the other students. Jade dropped out of school and became gang-affiliated, experimenting with drugs and alcohol. 

Jade and her son, Say'Vonn

When she learned she was pregnant at 16, she took a hard look at her life and the dreary outlook for her unborn child if she continued on the same path. "Here I was going to be a single mom and I still had no education, no direction…I knew things had to change," Jade recalls. She learned of Child Saving Institute’s 10-week parenting class through the Young Parents Program and there she found hope and help with social worker Tricia Wagner. "Tricia is the best support I’ve ever had," Jade says enthusiastically. "She has helped me in so many ways. She tells me I’m a wonderful mom, and I can get my education. She helped me get started in Independent Studies…She’s been there every step of the way."

"I was going to be a single mom
and I had no education, no direction…
I knew things had to change."

Now Jade attends an intensive, accelerated program where she earns credits toward her high school diploma over the course of weeks, rather than semesters. She and Say'Vonn had been living in a shelter sponsored by the Salvation Army, but she recently returned home to live with her mother.

"Jade inspires me," Wagner says. “She is working so hard—studying and taking good care of her baby. She even wants to go to college and dreams of being an obstetrician some day. That girl is a dynamo and I know she can accomplish anything she sets her mind to."
  
"I changed everything to be a better parent to my son," Jade says quietly. "He's my light at the end of the tunnel. In addition to being an OB-GYN, I'd also like to talk to young people about making good choices. I’d like to teach them how to be strong like Tricia has helped teach me. You can change your life around. There is hope."

Memory Lane

In the late fall of 1950, Margie Straw, 24, and her good friend June Blevins, 19, went to the movies in Nebraska City where they were deeply moved by a story of suffering children. That random experience changed Margie’s life forever.

A 120th Moment  ::  Memory Lane

“June and I went to the picture show and it was about an orphanage where the children were mistreated so badly,” Margie, now 86, explains. “I decided right then and there that I wanted to work for an orphanage and straighten them out. Well June had the same idea, so we were off.”

Margie and June did some research and sent out employment applications to agencies in the area. One agency responded noting openings for a position in which they would care for 8-year-olds and do housework. Child Saving Institute responded that there were immediate openings for them to serve as nurses’ aides to the little children—and no housework. The young women opted for CSI.

They moved together to the “big city” in 1951, living in a dormitory in the Child Saving Institute orphanage located at 42^nd and Emilie Street. Margie recalls that as a condition of their employment, they were asked “to sign papers that we would never enter a bar within 10 miles of the orphanage and we couldn’t use bad language.” They signed on the dotted line and their adventure began. 
   

Margie holding Peggy

All of the six nurses’ aides and two registered nurses who tended the approximately 30 babies in the nursery provided gentle, compassionate care, but each woman also had their personal favorites or “pets,” as Margie called them. From the moment Mrs. Beals, the orphanage superintendent, took Margie on a tour through the home, she became enamored of a baby with brown curly hair and big eyes named Dale. “We just fell in love with each other from the beginning,” Margie explains. She also fell for a beautiful biracial baby named Peggy. “I got attached to Peggy and she got attached to me,” Margie recalls. “I was ‘MomMom’ to her. One day when Peggy got demanding and I wasn’t there, the head nurse even said to her, ‘Peggy, your mom will be with you in a minute!’”

Margie talked about Peggy so much when she’d go home to visit her family, her mother made Peggy a new dress from feed sack fabric, which was a common practice in the day. The pleated dress featured a bright tulip pattern, and the orphanage laundress took special care to press the pleats so Peggy looked particularly darling on “visiting day,” when prospective adoptive families visited the orphanage. Later, Peggy’s adoptive family mailed the pretty dress back with a note expressing their joy in their beautiful daughter, whom they had renamed “Merry” because of her cheery disposition.

Margie today, at her home in Nebraska City

Sitting in her cozy kitchen surrounded by her collection of tea pots, Margie overflows with stories from her nearly four years at CSI, her eyes twinkling and her laughter bright as she recalls memories from nearly six decades ago. She especially enjoyed the special Christmas celebrations involving lots of toys and decorated Christmas trees in every room. On Christmas Eve the Shriners—accompanied by an Omaha World-Herald photographer—would arrive to entertain the kids, and all of the children and babies would be dressed in flannel pajamas and posed on the stairs for a photo which appeared on the front page of the paper on Christmas day.

Then there were her tales of the children. She shares story after story about the little ones she fed and bathed and loved during her time at CSI. Darling baby Roger with the bright red leather shoes, mischievous preschooler Keith who unlatched a closet screen door and “repainted” a freshly painted room, and tiny, malnourished Douglas. It wasn’t unusual in those days for working mothers to pay a small stipend to place their children at CSI to ensure quality care. Douglas’s mother brought him to Child Saving Institute after learning his daycare provider wasn’t feeding the baby and he suffered severe malnutrition resulting in developmental delays. At 10 months old, Douglas could not sit up, but Margie diligently worked with him until he was sitting on his own, and proudly displayed his progress to his overjoyed mother when she came on visiting day. “Eventually Douglas crawled and walked…He was a real firecracker!” she observes with a chuckle.

All too soon, Margie was called home to help her mother care for her ailing father, but her memories stayed strong as she worked at a variety of other jobs through the years, including long-held positions in the garment and food industries as well as participating in a family-owned grocery store and sanitation business.

“If there was one thing I learned at Child Saving, it was that loving does a lot for children,” Margie says thoughtfully. “Loving is the key to them being good; or if there is no love—then being bad or sick. It’s the loving that makes the real difference.”                                 


                                 

Black Homes for Black Children

Throughout its long history, CSI has always been at the forefront in ground-breaking programming for at-risk children. One of the most successful—and most controversial—was the innovative and effective Black Homes for Black Children program.


A 120th Moment  ::  Black Homes for Black Children

 
By the late 1970s, the number of infants available for adoption had declined dramatically, but there remained a critical need to find homes for African American children of all ages. Child Saving Institute was at the forefront in addressing this need by offering “Project Placement” a special needs/black adoption program. Then, in 1982 CSI received funding through the National Benevolent Association and matched by the CSI Board of Directors to form a program called Black Adoption Unlimited. Shortly thereafter, CSI received a federal grant administered through the Nebraska Department of Social Services, which allowed the agency to implement the ground-breaking program Black Homes for Black Children. The BHBC program, started in October of 1984, concentrated on intensively identifying, recruiting and preparing black and interracial families for adoptive placement of black and bi-racial children and youth.

Donna Tubach-Davis, who started out at CSI as a social worker and eventually led the organization as CEO for more than 25 years, remembers having a passion for the plight of African American children in the system as early as the mid-1960s. She brought this passion with her when she joined the staff of CSI in 1971 and began actively working toward more permanent placement for black children, even before there were any formal programs in place. “It’s not that we were against trans-racial homes for black children, as some opponents thought, but that we wanted to find more potential homes. There were so many more children in need of homes than there were homes available,” Tubach-Davis explains. “And the truth was, African Americans were adopting more frequently than Caucasians, but the process was more informal within their communities.”

Tubach-Davis said CSI began an intensive outreach program into these communities, starting with caseworkers becoming actively involved in African American churches and organizations in Omaha. Word of the program spread, and soon its success was being touted nationally as well as locally.

In its early days, the program was publicized primarily through staff presentations to churches, community service organizations and professional groups with close ties to the community, as well as a series of public service announcements using Susan Taylor, then Editor in Chief of Essence Magazine, billboards, direct mail, flyers and newspaper announcements. When Nebraska DSS cut funding to the Black Homes program in 1986, the program’s advocates—the Black Homes Advisory Board, CSI’s Board of Directors, the staff and enthusiastic adoptive parents—mobilized and succeeded in getting one-third of the funding reinstated. Additional financial support was provided by the National Benevolent Association and the Black Caucus of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ), and a grant awarded by the Kiewit Foundation in 1988. To keep the program going, CSI also launched a series of large-scale fundraising events. Among the offerings: speaking events featuring world-famous African American leaders such as Dr. Alvin Poussaint, Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu and Father George Clements; annual Gospel Jubilees; and celebrity auctions, featuring donated items from Oprah Winfrey, Michael Jordan, Whoopi Goldberg and many others.

The Blacks Homes for Black Children program formally ended in 1992 due to lack of funding and adoption changes implemented through the *Multiethnic Placement Act (MEPA), but the ideals of the program—to find more families for children in need of forever homes—lived on in other programming offered through CSI. In the end, BHBC recruited more than 300 black adoptive families and placed more than 100 black and biracial children in forever homes.

*Multiethnic Placement Act (MEPA)
Since 1972, when the National Association of Black Social Workers first issued a public statement opposing Transracial Adoption, controversy has raged about placing children with families across ethnic and racial lines. Concerned about the impact of this policy on children waiting for families and for its broader message about racism in our society, organizations such as the National Committee to End Racism and the National Council for Adoption moved to action. They published studies, advocated with the courts and state legislatures, and testified before Congress, urging that federal law be changed to ban discrimination in adoption.

One U.S. senator took on this cause as his own personal mission, vowing to see the law changed before he left office. And, true to his word, Senator Howard M. Metzenbaum (D-Ohio) succeeded in attaching his bill, the Metzenbaum Multiethnic Placement Act, to another law moving through the Senate. His bill essentially required that those receiving federal funds could not delay or deny the placement of a child in adoption or foster care because of considerations of race or ethnicity.