Stepping Up for Foster Kids

When Erin and Steve Palzer got married a few years ago, they never imagined their life—and living room—would be so full! But six years, six foster kids, one adoption and one pending adoption later and you can see their house is brimming with love, kids and pets—as well as baby dolls, princess gear, Barbie cars, Legos and Transformers. 

The Palzers are the proud parents of Amarria, 3, who was adopted in November, 2010, and will soon welcome their son, Chris, 9, as a permanent member of their family when his adoption is finalized this fall. Oh, and you can’t forget chubby spaniel “Sparks,” who will wiggle her way onto your lap and into your heart within minutes of arriving at their home. 

Erin, Steve and their daughter, Amarria
Photo by Lacey Lynn Photography

About a year into their marriage, Erin and Steve discovered they couldn’t conceive, but that didn’t stop their pursuit of a family. With private adoption and infertility interventions so costly, they decided to look into adoption—and opted to go with Foster Child Adoption. They have been licensed Child Saving Institute foster parents for just over three years. 

“We knew from the beginning that not all of the kids would stay forever, but we just wanted a child in our home,” Erin says. The Palzers had a foster son before adopting Amarria, and haven’t stopped fostering since. Erin says they hope to continue to be foster parents no matter how large their family becomes. In fact, last year they increased the number of foster children for which they could be licensed. 

They already had a 2-year-old child “Cole” in their care when they learned their first foster son needed to placed in out of home care again—and now he had a little sister who needed a home, too. In order to keep the young siblings together and allow their first foster son, then 4, to return to the familiarity of their home (where he had originally lived for a year), Erin and Steve selflessly gave up their upstairs bedroom and moved to the basement. They took in both children for 15 months, working closely with the biological family in order to help them ready for the kids’ eventual return. 

The Palzers are so committed to successful reunification, they not only provided transportation for the family to see the children on all major holidays and birthdays, they encouraged the biological mom to call every night so the kids could share their day. 

“We’ve worked really hard to have great relationships with the biological parents,” Erin notes. “I know there are foster parents who are wary of interacting so closely, but I think it’s the right thing to do and the best thing for the kids.” 

The couple had the same attitude toward reunification when working with Cole. Erin, a nurse at Children’s Hospital in Omaha, came to know Cole, then age 2, during his lengthy hospital stay as the result of severe abuse and neglect. 

After a month in the hospital, the toddler was placed in foster care with the Palzers. Cole’s biological mom had abandoned him shortly after birth, leaving the baby with acquaintances. Eventually, Cole’s biological father was notified of the situation. The young man didn’t even know he had a son, but stepped up to accept the challenge. 

Erin and Steve were so committed to helping Cole’s dad prepare for the little boy’s eventual release into his care; they invited the young man into their home night after night to learn parenting skills and the bedtime routine of bath, story and bed. Cole’s dad was nervous, but the Palzers lavished him with praise and encouragement, rooting for him to succeed as a parent. Cole was with the Palzers for a year before going to live with his dad. 

Tragically, six months after bringing Cole home, the young man was shot and killed as the result of urban violence. Cole was then adopted by his paternal grandmother. Erin, who still has contact with Cole and all of the children she has fostered, reports that Cole, now 4, is a sweet, loving preschooler and is doing well under his grandma and aunts’ loving care. 

Recently, when her foster sister and brother returned to their bio family, Amarria was lamenting she had no one to “play princess with” now that her little sister had left. Without missing a beat, her blond-haired, blue-eyed big brother Chris came to the rescue. “I’ll put on a crown for you,” the fifth-grader offered. 

With Erin and Steve as his role models, it’s no wonder Chris instinctively responds to the needs of young children. In a few years, the couple plans to move to a bigger house with more room for more adopted children—and room for additional foster children as well. 

“We will continue to foster,” Erin says firmly. “We see the need and we want to do what we can to help kids. We can make their lives better.”

Open Hearts, Open Adoption

Crystal, 31, a petite redhead with striking green eyes, recently shared the poignant story of how she placed her infant daughter for adoption 15 years ago with the support of a caring Child Saving Institute pregnancy counselor and an adoption specialist. She came prepared for our meeting—armed with vivid memories and a small album of the most happy-yet-heartbreaking photos you will ever see. The pages included photos of a 15-year-old Crystal hugging her boyfriend, Jonn, who wore a cowboy hat...Jonn and Crystal kissing...very pregnant Crystal with Jonn at her homecoming dance...Crystal gazing at her infant daughter shortly after birth. And perhaps the most compelling of all...a photo taken at CSI two days after baby Tiffany’s birth—when papers were signed and the little girl went home with adoptive parents Dick and Cheryl. 

Crystal had been dating Jonn, 17, for nearly two years when, at 15, she discovered she was pregnant. Although the teens talked about raising the baby together, Crystal’s mother and stepfather encouraged her to visit with the counselors at Child Saving Institute. (Her stepdad and his siblings had been adopted through Child Saving Institute, and he understood the importance of the decision for all parties involved.) 

At CSI, Crystal and Jonn met with Sabrina, a caring counselor, who listened intently to Crystal’s story, occasionally asking questions. Crystal said she never felt any pressure from Sabrina, and she still intended to parent the baby; but Sabrina’s questions did make her think.

"When you’re a teenager, everything’s rosy and you think everything’s going to be fine. But adults know there will be stress and tension and hard times. They are the ones wondering, 'How are you going to get through it all?'"

Wisely, Crystal’s mother encouraged her to live with Jonn and his family for a bit "to see what it would be like to be together all the time." It was an eye opener, and Crystal quickly returned home. But it wasn’t easy being a pregnant teen in a small town. There was gossip and pointed remarks, but Crystal had the support of her mom, stepdad and father. "My parents were very supportive but very worried," Crystal recalls. "I had three very involved parents; and, believe me, they weren’t saying, 'Oh, we have a grandbaby coming!' They were all, 'Oh my gosh—what are you thinking!!'"

In August, seven months into her pregnancy, Crystal, now 16, and Jonn were struggling to maintain their relationship. They had a frank talk about their desires for the future and their abilities to parent, and came to the difficult decision to place the baby for adoption. The young couple again met with Sabrina at Child Saving Institute, and this time looked through adoption books filled with family photos and pages of information covering everything from beliefs on discipline practices to religion. Jonn picked the family. Their information was bound in a simple green book with a leaf pattern. The couple’s names were Dick and Cheryl. They were a farm family. They looked kind in their pictures. 

"It just seemed like if we had a choice of the perfect family, this would be it," Crystal says. "Dick had two daughters who were fully part of the family. They lived on a farm near a small town. It was a good choice." 

Evell, CSI adoption specialist, arranged a meeting. Evell drove Jonn and a very-pregnant-and-uncomfortable Crystal 2 1/2 hours to the family’s farm. Crystal was impressed with the beauty of the farm, and Dick and Cheryl’s gentle hospitality. "I’m sure she was probably walking on eggshells the whole time," Crystal observes, "but she didn’t show it. She was so sweet. I can’t imagine being in their shoes—wanting someone to like you enough to give you their baby." 

The potential adoptive parents drove to Omaha to meet with Jonn and Crystal two more times. Then, about a week before the baby was due in early October, Jonn told Crystal he was no longer sure he wanted to go through with the adoption. Crystal knew Cheryl and Dick would be devastated, but wanted them to know the situation as soon as possible. She called Cheryl and told her Jonn was balking. "She just said, 'Oh...Oh, thanks for letting me know' and, after a brief conversation, hung up. I could hear the heartbreak in her voice. She didn’t cry then, but I knew she cried when she got off the phone," Crystal says softly, her own eyes welling with tears. 

A few days later, Crystal met briefly with counselor Sabrina and told her that Jonn no longer wanted to place the baby for adoption. Crystal recalls Sabrina leaning forward and putting her face in her hands. Jonn said tersely, "It just doesn’t feel right anymore" and shortly thereafter left the meeting. A quiet Sabrina drove Crystal home. "Sabrina didn’t know what to say or do, but I knew she was very scared for all of us."

That night, on a Friday, Crystal was home alone when she went into labor. Her mother came home from work and drove her to the hospital. Jonn met them there. After nearly 12 hours of labor, Tiffany was born on Saturday morning. Dark haired and moon-faced—she weighed 8 lb, 7 oz.—Crystal thought she was beautiful.

Watching Crystal hold Tiffany, her mother said, "Crystal, we need to make a decision. If she’s coming home with us, I have to leave now to get clothes and bottles and a crib...by tomorrow. If we are going to keep her, we’ll make it work; but you have to tell me now."

Exhausted from laboring through the night, Crystal looked down at the infant and thought about her now-sketchy relationship with Jonn, her mother and step-father’s impending divorce, and her dreams for the baby and herself. Following a brief discussion, Jonn said he thought they should call Dick and Cheryl. Crystal agreed, and Jonn called the couple.

Dick and Cheryl had just returned to the farm from the five-hour roundtrip journey to Omaha when they got Jonn’s call Saturday night. Sabrina had called them that morning to tell them about the birth, and they had made the trip to the hospital to give the sleepy Crystal and her new baby a small bouquet of flowers and wish them well, but only stayed a few minutes. 

The couple drove back up to Omaha on Sunday and arranged to spend the night in a hotel. The adoption paperwork would be completed on Monday morning when Tiffany and Crystal were released from the hospital. After the call was made, Crystal recalls that she "really felt good" about the decision. "I had met them and liked them, plus I felt that God had a plan for me. I had come to terms with the fact that this isn’t my kid to raise—Tiffany is their baby. I really felt it was God’s way of giving her the chance to be raised in a stable and loving environment and also give me the chance to go to college and do all the things I wanted to do with my life."

On Monday, all parties signed paperwork at the CSI office. Crystal was very sad, but she could see the joy in Cheryl and Dick’s eyes and felt an indescribable connection to them. She joined them for lunch at Taco Bell; and by the time they left to return to the farm with Tiffany, Crystal describes it feeling like "when you have family visiting...you enjoyed seeing them so much and you’re sad to see them go."

"It’s been a good journey," Crystal says of the experience. Now happily married to Don, her husband of nine years, and the mother of three young children, she says she never worried about the decision she made or wished things would have been different. "Tiffany is growing up loved and well cared for. She knows who her birth dad and I are; she knows her background. I really think this is how things are supposed to be."

Above and Beyond

Joan Cooper is passionate about kids...especially foster kids. She’s also very interested in helping foster parents obtain the tools they need to be great parents. It’s that goal that has motivated her to take the lead in Child Saving Institute's foster parent networking support group AND become CSI’s first non-staff foster parent “trainer”—leading the required 10-week licensing class. Most surprisingly, she expends this time and energy despite the fact she is no longer a foster parent.

Now that’s going “all in” for kids.

Joan and Justin Cooper knew from the beginning they would be foster parents some day. Justin, an attorney for Omaha’s Metropolitan Utility District, was a former public defender and had seen first-hand the struggles of children in the system. Joan, a life-long teacher, was committed to changing outcomes for at-risk kids. It was a natural fit. When their daughter, Lauren, was 11, they completed licensing to become foster parents. They assumed they were going to get school age children, but welcomed two (unrelated) infant girls instead. “We decided from the beginning that whatever happens in reunification, no matter how long or short their stay, we would give the foster children placed in our care something that no one would ever take away from them,” Joan recalls. “They would know they were valued in our home.

The Coopers

“No matter the timeframe, foster parenting allows you an incredible opportunity to give them a ‘regular’ day, a ‘regular’ life for a while. Think of that opportunity!”

Joan is also attuned to the intense grief foster children experience. “When it comes to fostering, many parents focus on the grief they will feel when the child leaves their home to reunify, but we must acknowledge the grief the child is experiencing. We mourn the child, but in their separation, they are experiencing grief for many people—sisters and brothers, grandparents, aunts and uncles—everything familiar.”

As chance would have it, the Coopers adopted the little girls, Marissa and Vanessa, now six years old, essentially “maxing out” their home for extended foster placement. Undaunted in their commitment to serve children in need, Joan and Justin retained their license so they are able to offer respite care for foster parents needing a break, and Joan continues to lead the networking group. With her new system of planning monthly topics for the entire year to address specific issues, parents are able to attend those sessions they feel will be of the most help. As a result, she is seeing more repeat attendance as well as new faces. It’s an effort that not only results in better parenting, but happier, more knowledgeable foster parents which, in turn, benefits the kids.

“There are ways to continue to give back even if you can’t have children in your home,” Joan concludes. “I believe there is a way for a family to play some part in serving these troubled families to prevent them from staying broken. If you can be a foster family, great, but if you can’t, you can serve kids in other ways—donate clothing, offer respite care, offer encouragement and support. There are lots of areas where people can get involved.”

Couponing for Kids

In the spring of last year, Susan Nabity sat on her sofa, feeling anxious and desperate—one of the clients in her small house cleaning business had just passed away and it was a huge blow to her monthly income.

Not only did she have bills to pay, but she was feeling the pressure of being a single mother to a teenage son—a very big teenage son who at 6'5" and 300 pounds required lot of food to fuel his athletic pursuits at Fremont High School.

"I really didn't know what I was going to do," Nabity explains. The television had been on in the background, but suddenly Nabity became aware of the program—"Extreme Couponing." She watched with growing interest as the show featured enthusiastic shoppers planning and clipping their way to unbelievable savings. "I thought to myself, this is either really fake or I can do this!" 

"I can't begin to know what these kids have experienced or what they’re going through now, but just knowing my hobby can help them is overwhelming. I'm just so glad I can do it."

With an inkling of hope, Nabity began clipping coupons and watching sales while continuing to watch the show for further pointers. She asked her friends and customers to save their coupon circulars for her as well, and she started seeing the results of her efforts. In fact, on one particularly successful shopping trip at Walmart, her coupons garnered her $300 worth of product as well as $78 in cash!

So what do you do with so much stuff? Well if you’re Susan Nabity, you help others in need. "God blessed me and saved me at a rough time in my life," she notes. "So I thought I should turn around and give to others." A former paraeducator who had facilitated after-school educational programs for public schools and a non-profit, Nabity had a particular fondness for kids in need. Acting on the suggestion of one of her customers, she approached Child Saving Institute with her "bounty."

Over the past several months, Nabity has dropped off donations of toothpaste (hundreds of tubes!), toothbrushes, floss, diapers and diaper cream, baby shampoo, bath wash and lotion, deodorant, hair products, razors, body lotion and gum. In turn, these items have been distributed to clients in CSI's programs, including the emergency shelter, Young Parents Program and, most recently, to Child Saving Institute’s Foster Families.

"I can't begin to know what these kids have experienced or what they’re going through now," Nabity says quietly, "but just knowing my hobby can help them is overwhelming. I'm just so glad I can do it."

Susan's donations also help stock our Baby Boutique, where young parents can "shop" for items for their babies with points they earn through making good life choices such as earning a GED or taking their baby to doctor's appointments.

Loving Support

Thanks to you and others like you, Jade is well on her way to making a good life for herself and her toddler son, Say'Vonn. It is more than she could have hoped for in the dark months following her expulsion from school a few years ago at age 14.

Jade got in an argument with a girl at school. When the girl punched her, Jade hit her back. The following day, she was expelled. She fell into a deep depression, and with no advocacy at home, she became lost. Eventually Jade entered an alternative school, but instead of being allowed to learn, she struggled to survive the near-daily duress of physical threats, brutality and sexual harassment by the other students. Jade dropped out of school and became gang-affiliated, experimenting with drugs and alcohol. 

Jade and her son, Say'Vonn

When she learned she was pregnant at 16, she took a hard look at her life and the dreary outlook for her unborn child if she continued on the same path. "Here I was going to be a single mom and I still had no education, no direction…I knew things had to change," Jade recalls. She learned of Child Saving Institute’s 10-week parenting class through the Young Parents Program and there she found hope and help with social worker Tricia Wagner. "Tricia is the best support I’ve ever had," Jade says enthusiastically. "She has helped me in so many ways. She tells me I’m a wonderful mom, and I can get my education. She helped me get started in Independent Studies…She’s been there every step of the way."

"I was going to be a single mom
and I had no education, no direction…
I knew things had to change."

Now Jade attends an intensive, accelerated program where she earns credits toward her high school diploma over the course of weeks, rather than semesters. She and Say'Vonn had been living in a shelter sponsored by the Salvation Army, but she recently returned home to live with her mother.

"Jade inspires me," Wagner says. “She is working so hard—studying and taking good care of her baby. She even wants to go to college and dreams of being an obstetrician some day. That girl is a dynamo and I know she can accomplish anything she sets her mind to."
  
"I changed everything to be a better parent to my son," Jade says quietly. "He's my light at the end of the tunnel. In addition to being an OB-GYN, I'd also like to talk to young people about making good choices. I’d like to teach them how to be strong like Tricia has helped teach me. You can change your life around. There is hope."

Memory Lane

In the late fall of 1950, Margie Straw, 24, and her good friend June Blevins, 19, went to the movies in Nebraska City where they were deeply moved by a story of suffering children. That random experience changed Margie’s life forever.

A 120th Moment  ::  Memory Lane

“June and I went to the picture show and it was about an orphanage where the children were mistreated so badly,” Margie, now 86, explains. “I decided right then and there that I wanted to work for an orphanage and straighten them out. Well June had the same idea, so we were off.”

Margie and June did some research and sent out employment applications to agencies in the area. One agency responded noting openings for a position in which they would care for 8-year-olds and do housework. Child Saving Institute responded that there were immediate openings for them to serve as nurses’ aides to the little children—and no housework. The young women opted for CSI.

They moved together to the “big city” in 1951, living in a dormitory in the Child Saving Institute orphanage located at 42^nd and Emilie Street. Margie recalls that as a condition of their employment, they were asked “to sign papers that we would never enter a bar within 10 miles of the orphanage and we couldn’t use bad language.” They signed on the dotted line and their adventure began. 
   

Margie holding Peggy

All of the six nurses’ aides and two registered nurses who tended the approximately 30 babies in the nursery provided gentle, compassionate care, but each woman also had their personal favorites or “pets,” as Margie called them. From the moment Mrs. Beals, the orphanage superintendent, took Margie on a tour through the home, she became enamored of a baby with brown curly hair and big eyes named Dale. “We just fell in love with each other from the beginning,” Margie explains. She also fell for a beautiful biracial baby named Peggy. “I got attached to Peggy and she got attached to me,” Margie recalls. “I was ‘MomMom’ to her. One day when Peggy got demanding and I wasn’t there, the head nurse even said to her, ‘Peggy, your mom will be with you in a minute!’”

Margie talked about Peggy so much when she’d go home to visit her family, her mother made Peggy a new dress from feed sack fabric, which was a common practice in the day. The pleated dress featured a bright tulip pattern, and the orphanage laundress took special care to press the pleats so Peggy looked particularly darling on “visiting day,” when prospective adoptive families visited the orphanage. Later, Peggy’s adoptive family mailed the pretty dress back with a note expressing their joy in their beautiful daughter, whom they had renamed “Merry” because of her cheery disposition.

Margie today, at her home in Nebraska City

Sitting in her cozy kitchen surrounded by her collection of tea pots, Margie overflows with stories from her nearly four years at CSI, her eyes twinkling and her laughter bright as she recalls memories from nearly six decades ago. She especially enjoyed the special Christmas celebrations involving lots of toys and decorated Christmas trees in every room. On Christmas Eve the Shriners—accompanied by an Omaha World-Herald photographer—would arrive to entertain the kids, and all of the children and babies would be dressed in flannel pajamas and posed on the stairs for a photo which appeared on the front page of the paper on Christmas day.

Then there were her tales of the children. She shares story after story about the little ones she fed and bathed and loved during her time at CSI. Darling baby Roger with the bright red leather shoes, mischievous preschooler Keith who unlatched a closet screen door and “repainted” a freshly painted room, and tiny, malnourished Douglas. It wasn’t unusual in those days for working mothers to pay a small stipend to place their children at CSI to ensure quality care. Douglas’s mother brought him to Child Saving Institute after learning his daycare provider wasn’t feeding the baby and he suffered severe malnutrition resulting in developmental delays. At 10 months old, Douglas could not sit up, but Margie diligently worked with him until he was sitting on his own, and proudly displayed his progress to his overjoyed mother when she came on visiting day. “Eventually Douglas crawled and walked…He was a real firecracker!” she observes with a chuckle.

All too soon, Margie was called home to help her mother care for her ailing father, but her memories stayed strong as she worked at a variety of other jobs through the years, including long-held positions in the garment and food industries as well as participating in a family-owned grocery store and sanitation business.

“If there was one thing I learned at Child Saving, it was that loving does a lot for children,” Margie says thoughtfully. “Loving is the key to them being good; or if there is no love—then being bad or sick. It’s the loving that makes the real difference.”                                 


                                 

Black Homes for Black Children

Throughout its long history, CSI has always been at the forefront in ground-breaking programming for at-risk children. One of the most successful—and most controversial—was the innovative and effective Black Homes for Black Children program.


A 120th Moment  ::  Black Homes for Black Children

 
By the late 1970s, the number of infants available for adoption had declined dramatically, but there remained a critical need to find homes for African American children of all ages. Child Saving Institute was at the forefront in addressing this need by offering “Project Placement” a special needs/black adoption program. Then, in 1982 CSI received funding through the National Benevolent Association and matched by the CSI Board of Directors to form a program called Black Adoption Unlimited. Shortly thereafter, CSI received a federal grant administered through the Nebraska Department of Social Services, which allowed the agency to implement the ground-breaking program Black Homes for Black Children. The BHBC program, started in October of 1984, concentrated on intensively identifying, recruiting and preparing black and interracial families for adoptive placement of black and bi-racial children and youth.

Donna Tubach-Davis, who started out at CSI as a social worker and eventually led the organization as CEO for more than 25 years, remembers having a passion for the plight of African American children in the system as early as the mid-1960s. She brought this passion with her when she joined the staff of CSI in 1971 and began actively working toward more permanent placement for black children, even before there were any formal programs in place. “It’s not that we were against trans-racial homes for black children, as some opponents thought, but that we wanted to find more potential homes. There were so many more children in need of homes than there were homes available,” Tubach-Davis explains. “And the truth was, African Americans were adopting more frequently than Caucasians, but the process was more informal within their communities.”

Tubach-Davis said CSI began an intensive outreach program into these communities, starting with caseworkers becoming actively involved in African American churches and organizations in Omaha. Word of the program spread, and soon its success was being touted nationally as well as locally.

In its early days, the program was publicized primarily through staff presentations to churches, community service organizations and professional groups with close ties to the community, as well as a series of public service announcements using Susan Taylor, then Editor in Chief of Essence Magazine, billboards, direct mail, flyers and newspaper announcements. When Nebraska DSS cut funding to the Black Homes program in 1986, the program’s advocates—the Black Homes Advisory Board, CSI’s Board of Directors, the staff and enthusiastic adoptive parents—mobilized and succeeded in getting one-third of the funding reinstated. Additional financial support was provided by the National Benevolent Association and the Black Caucus of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ), and a grant awarded by the Kiewit Foundation in 1988. To keep the program going, CSI also launched a series of large-scale fundraising events. Among the offerings: speaking events featuring world-famous African American leaders such as Dr. Alvin Poussaint, Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu and Father George Clements; annual Gospel Jubilees; and celebrity auctions, featuring donated items from Oprah Winfrey, Michael Jordan, Whoopi Goldberg and many others.

The Blacks Homes for Black Children program formally ended in 1992 due to lack of funding and adoption changes implemented through the *Multiethnic Placement Act (MEPA), but the ideals of the program—to find more families for children in need of forever homes—lived on in other programming offered through CSI. In the end, BHBC recruited more than 300 black adoptive families and placed more than 100 black and biracial children in forever homes.

*Multiethnic Placement Act (MEPA)
Since 1972, when the National Association of Black Social Workers first issued a public statement opposing Transracial Adoption, controversy has raged about placing children with families across ethnic and racial lines. Concerned about the impact of this policy on children waiting for families and for its broader message about racism in our society, organizations such as the National Committee to End Racism and the National Council for Adoption moved to action. They published studies, advocated with the courts and state legislatures, and testified before Congress, urging that federal law be changed to ban discrimination in adoption.

One U.S. senator took on this cause as his own personal mission, vowing to see the law changed before he left office. And, true to his word, Senator Howard M. Metzenbaum (D-Ohio) succeeded in attaching his bill, the Metzenbaum Multiethnic Placement Act, to another law moving through the Senate. His bill essentially required that those receiving federal funds could not delay or deny the placement of a child in adoption or foster care because of considerations of race or ethnicity.